Family Roles
Around 1000 BC, the Lord directed the prophet Samuel to travel to Bethlehem to anoint one of Jesse’s sons to be the next King of Israel (1 Samuel 16:1-13). Hiding his purposes from the reigning King Saul, Samuel invited Jesse and his sons to attend a sacrifice so that Samuel could meet them and wait for the Lord to reveal to him which son was to succeed Saul.
But Jesse didn’t bother to invite all of his sons. He brought along seven of his sons but left his youngest son David out in a field tending the sheep.
Think about that from David’s perspective. Your father and your brothers have been invited to spend time with a prophet who is so famous that the elders of your city trembled before him when he arrived in town. But instead of finding a sheep-sitter and bringing you along for this once-in-a-lifetime occasion, your father leaves you behind. How could that happen?
Depending on the type of family you grew up in, you may know exactly how that could happen. Some families seem to have an almost magical power to cast individual family members into rigid roles that help the family maintain its dysfunction.
Your family may have had a “golden child” whose success provided the illusion that things in the family were great when they really weren't even good.
Your family may have had a “scapegoat” whose unspoken role was to cause trouble and carry the blame for family problems that went much deeper than his or her individual issues.
Your family may have had a “clown" who constantly acted out or played around in order to distract other family members from conflict or pain.
Your family may have had a “caretaker” who tried to protect everyone in the family from negative consequences, even if those consequences were deserved and/or necessary for change to take place.
Your family may have had a “lost child” who was ignored, lost in the family’s chaos.
Families can create all kinds of unhealthy roles. We aren’t told exactly what role David played in his family. Maybe David’s family was healthier than it appears, but the fact that David wasn’t invited to the sacrifice and was summoned to appear before the prophet only when the Lord didn’t choose any of his brothers is revealing. David had been forgotten, left alone in the fields. It seemed inconceivable to David's father and brothers that he could be the person in their family who would be anointed King of Israel.
The good news in this story is that God is able to see beyond your family role and into your heart. God elevated David from his role as the forgotten member of the family to his role as one of Israel’s most famous kings. Your role in your family of origin does not have to be the role you play for the rest of your life. God calls us to be part of His family, where you are known and loved and where you can bring Him glory and accomplish His purposes.
(Posted by Jim Gant, PhD)
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